Coming Out of the Closet

The Proverbial Closet

When I say that what do you think of? If you’re like most people you’ll think of someone who is gay and is coming out about that. And it’s true that I’m gay and I’ve talked about it some already here on this blog, especially in About Naked Nerves, but elsewhere as well. I’m doing it again here. It’s a constant process, coming out is. It’s not something you just do once and it’s over with. You do it everyday in many ways whenever you’re with someone who doesn’t know and you want them to. Or when they find out somehow or guess. But most people don’t see me as gay unless I want them to. I don’t act in a particular way or look or dress in a specifically Gay Way, whatever that might be. That’s why I’ve included it in my list of Invisible conditions I live with.

Coming out isn’t something that just gay people do. It’s something that we all do. We all have to come out at some point about who we are in this life. About what moves us and makes us tick. What we share with others and what we don’t. Especially for those of us who have Invisible Illnesses it can be a challenge to come out. Is it something that you want people to know about or not? It’s always a question for anyone to come out as to whether or not you want them to know the real you. After all what you’re talking about might impact a career or your job, or a relationship or a possibility in your life for happiness. You have to really think about it and decide what to do.

When you have an Invisible Illness you are constantly put in this position about whether or not to come out.  On the one hand you may want people to know what you live with, for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it’s to gain support or understanding. Sometimes it’s to gain an adjustment at work or in school. Sometimes it’s so you can have a more real relationship with someone. With a partner or spouse. And sometimes it’s in our best interests to come out to let people know what we deal with all the time.

Sometimes it works against you  and you don’t really want people to know. It could cost you a job or a promotion if they knew. And sometimes you don’t Want people to know you’re sick because of the pity you might get or the “help” people often mistakenly offer that we don’t want or need. Or it could stop a relationship cold. I’ve had people tell me that when they found out I was Bipolar that they didn’t want to have anything more to do with me anymore. It’s hard sometimes. I’ve lost friends because I’ve come out and been judged unfairly about who I am. It hasn’t always worked in my favor, whether its about being gay or being sick. It’s a tough call to make.

I’m going to suggest that it’s a good thing to come out when you can. I’m not being absolute about it. But consider that it’s the very act of coming out that helps us gain support for our causes and for our illnesses. It’s been true for gay people that coming out has gained us greater visibility and this changes societies mores. This is true for mental illness too tho that’s a really tricky one. So are many other illnesses. But again if people know that you have a condition or are a certain way and they know you then there’s a good chance that they’ll think about that condition with favor and not condemnation. You certainly find out who your friends are, and aren’t.  And you may help change the world if you do.

I’ll agree it’s not for everyone. I know a lot of closeted gay people and people with Bipolar who just don’t share it with anyone. I don’t fault any of these people. It’s an Individual choice and the first rule about coming out is that you Never come out for someone else! You let them choose and I’m not pushing you to do something that’s against your will. It’s up to you.

I am asking you to think about it. This is how the world changes and how morals and attitudes and mores change in our societies. Remember about the squeaky wheel getting the grease. If we want people to understand us it’s ultimately up to us to educate them about who we really are. It can make or break a movement, which is how I see things here. “The personal is political” is an old saying and it’s true. How we act in our lives affects our society and changes our world. Is it time to change yours?

Good luck with your decision,

Steve

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